I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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