ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i will never coherently bang her
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
