I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
