my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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