The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
