Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
