"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
