it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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