If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
