Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
