Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
