My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
