I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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