Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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