I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
