Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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