i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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