i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
