I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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