yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
