oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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