I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
