You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
