My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
