i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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