Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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