How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
