9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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