i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
