By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
