The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
