I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
