Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
