There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
where does the pee come out of this thing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
