Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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