Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
