god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
