when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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