All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
