I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
