You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
