If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
