I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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