Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Farmville is her only friend.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
