My cat gives me a boner
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
