I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
we're so committed to being not committed
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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