Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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