I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
