grandma shit on top of the toilet
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
