Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you never un-have a 4some
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
