i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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