I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
