Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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