You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
