If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
