Nicole vs. Life
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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