ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh god it's open bar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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