i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
