i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
