that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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