i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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