**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
