"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
