Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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