i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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