I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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