i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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