It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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