Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
