dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
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