ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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