pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
